She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize