Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
