You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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