I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
