fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
two words: eviction party
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
