Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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