I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
