WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize