You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
