worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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