She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's the barista slut.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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