Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
