Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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