Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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