he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
