can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
