New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize