I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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