The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
