so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
