No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
