none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
