I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
