Im at strip club and am horny
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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