She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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