If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
