i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
