i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
