thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
