he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
