I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
