It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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