i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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