What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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