If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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