My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
