My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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