Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
