I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
