I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
