I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
