I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
