I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
