I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
