Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
