I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
