Even the bartender felt bad for me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
