I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize