Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
