i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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