Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
