Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found puke in my bra..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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