why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
