naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
