she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My life is pants optional.
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