What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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