I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
