I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
