Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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