"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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