so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I died a long time ago.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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