I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
and you fell through a lawn chair
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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