i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
