i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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