Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
