Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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